Perempuan Gatal

The past few days of the week have been quite easy on me workload-wise. So under the pretext of appearing to be busy reviewing some document on my PC (eyebrows crossed together, finger tapping, my mouth worked into a frown to perfect the look of someone totally engrossed and on her way to becoming employee of the year), I decided to check out the latest entries of my fellow bloggers (errrr...does having a sole introductory entry under your blogging resume entitle me to be admitted into the folds of the blog fraternity?). So there I was, excitedly clicking on my bookmarks, looking forward to read what these interesting people had to write to whet my insatiable appetite of being fed with what other human minds have to offer....only to be frustrated. Just as I was about to rant at one of them via YM for not supplying me with my serving of "wisdom" for the day, I realised that I'd be exposing myself to the possibility (more like certainty) of being gunned down point blank. Suddenly broken shopper's (fka shop-a-dick) words echoed in my head "When are you going to write something else apart from Inaugurated??" Post note: By the time I got to finalising and posting this entry, the tactful and impatient Broken Shopper dah "sabo" dulu. Chaittttt!!

Ok, so I'm guilty as charged. So much for warning the LOTR (which by the way, does NOT stand for the award-winning trilogy) that I expected them to contribute at least 1 entry per week or else. Not that it was much of a threat anyway, but hey look at how The Rainhouse's been filled up by amelie and broken shopper (yes, yes i'm attributing it to yours truly). sitiwankembang is still the reigning silent blogger of the lot though, but we're not giving up on her. At least, not yet. (Errrr....do I hear the first lash of a hurricane?)

Right, so here it is. I have decided to write on perempuan gatal. And I'm here to warn the readers of The Rainhouse (which comes up to an amazing number of 6 people including the LOTR themselves) that you cannot run away from being called perempuan gatal. The truth is, there's no escaping it. No matter what you've done (or haven't done) to protect yourself from it, it'll come looking for you at the least expected moment. It'll catch you unaware, when you're at your most vulnerable. And when it does, no good amount of crying or ranting will help you save you from that dreaded label: P-E-R-E-M-P-U-A-N G-A-T-A-L. I should know, because it happened to me.

I remember it vividly as if it was yesterday (which it was not, I'm not saying that as a cover-up okayyy...). There I was diligently drafting an agreement, my fingers busily typing away on the keyboard (no, this one was for real. I wasn't faking it) when suddenly I felt a certain sensation creep through the back of my hands. At first it felt like macam kena gigit pijat or some other microorganism which had pincers, so naturally i started scratching (i can practically see a word bubble appear on top of ye heads "aaahhhh...that kinda gatal". Ok, but the preceding paragraph had you people thinking that I was this shameless hormonally-driven female homosapien who's every woman's worst enemy and every man's wildest dream right? Errr...well, maybe not the last part). That turned out to be a bad idea because as soon as I started doing that, my hands and arms broke up in wheals ranging from the size of 5 to 10 sen. Not a pretty sight that. And with every scatch the itchiness got worse. Every wheal demanded that I scratch it vigorously and without mercy. The feeling? I believe the most apt word to describe it only exists in 'Bahasa Malaysia': Merenyam (note: the syllable 're' is to be pronounced as if you're gurgling water i.e the way the french say their 'r's). Unable to bear it any longer, I asked a colleague for minyak gamat to help me get rid of it.

Woohoooo. That turned out to be a BIG mistake: (1) the merenyam feeling intensified, and (2) in my attempt to seal the cap of the minyak gamat bottle, it slipped through my oily fingers and spilled onto my keyboard (yes, me very smart letak minyak gamat dekat tepi keyboard). I let out a yelp.

"Eh, your keyboard oso sakit is it?"

*kurenggg...*

I dashed to the toilet and let water run all over my hands. Double woohooo. The wheals got redder and were taking on bigger shapes and sizes, you know the kind like when little droplets of water come into contact with each other and form a small puddle? (Am I being too descriptive here?) Back at the office, I decided to show off my biological tattoos to my officemates in an attempt to become the centre of attention and get their advice on how to make them go away.

"Eiiiii...ni kena gigit ke?"

"Ntah la....tiba-tiba jer gatal semacam"

"Eh, I penah kena something like this dulu, orang kampung panggil...gegata"

So there it was. Finally, a name to the affliction that was ravaging my upper limbs. Gegata. I'm thinking it actually originates from the word "gatal-gatal", but the absence of the letter "l" at the end makes me wonder if the kelantanese deserve recognition for the existence of the term (my saing2 kelate, care to verify?). Then came all the suggestions for natural remedies from minum air kelapa muda (which isn't so bad actually) to air daun pokok betik. I remember broken shopper shared with me a traditional concoction which she used to drink to cure herself of allergies, but I can't seem to recall what it was. Actually I think I forced myself to completely erase what she recommended from my brain cells because it sounded too vile and unfit for human consumption. Like something out of Fear Factor. No way am I downing something like that down my throat. Not if I can help it.

I finally went to see the doctor. I plomped myself on the patient's seat, grinned and proudly put out my arms for him to examine. Dr. R took one look and them and asked, "What did you put on your arms?" I followed his stare. Mak aiihhh, putih melepak! I finally look fairer, this is exactly the skin tone that I've always dreamed of having... "Errr... calamine lotion la Dr. Tak tahan, merenyam!" Dr. R ordered me to wash it off. So my natural skin tone was revealed albeit marked with those unsightly gegata wheals. Notice how when you're having a fever, feeling lousy and all, and any tom, dick and harry can immediately see the letters "MC" all over your forehead, but once you step into the doctor's room, your temperature goes down and you suddenly look better? Annoying ain't it? Well, let me tell you... when you're a perempuan gatal in my category, you don't have to worry about that. The marks take quite a while to completely disappear from the skin. They come with a vengeance, but they take their own sweet time to subside.

Hives. That's the English term for gegata. Urticaria. That's the medical term for it. Got me pretty excited. See, I've been very much interested in all these medical stuff since I was in school. Really. How on earth I got myself involved in the most joked-about profession on the face of this planet is a story for another day. So I did some research and coupled with Dr. R's informative explanation, this is the low-down on urticaria:

1. There's no cure for it.

"Gasp! Girls, I have an incurable disease!" akraffame, (2007) The Drama Queen of Hives.

2. It's difficult to identify what causes urticaria. Known triggers include medicines, food, infection and irritants. However in approximately half of the cases, the cause is unknown. In my case I observed the recurring pattern and managed to tag it to the temperature. Mine was cold-induced urticaria (although for 2 weeks I got a kick out of telling my colleagues that I was allergic to the office).

3. Acute urticaria may last a few hours to several weeks. Chronic urticaria refers to hives that persist for 6 weeks or more. It comes and goes as it pleases. Apparently it's like your body undergoes a switch. I've never been allergic to any food (except fish roe) or any medication and I don't really have sensitive skin. But snap! The moment I suffered from hives, I suddenly became this hyper-sensitive woman. No, I didn't have a nervous breakdown everytime somebody spoke to me with a voice above a certain octave. Instead, I became the human dirt detector.

"Eh, ko rasa tempat makan ni bersih tak?"

"Jap jap...nanti aku testing" (letak tangan atas meja)

"Fail la beb. Buktinya? Ko tengok tangan aku ni haa..."

The Health Dept would have loved to employ me. And I would be forever banned from eating at any warung again. Yikes! The first thought may already be scary as it is, but the second thought is worse. Don't think I can bear it.

Back to hives - yes, well it mysteriously disappears as sudden as it comes. There's just no explanation for it. You may find yourself urticaria free after 3 weeks and then 5 years down the road, it appears out of nowhere and haunts your skin again.

4. Urticaria happens when the body releases histamine and other chemicals from under the skin's surface. As a result, inflammation and fluid gather under the skin and this causes wheals to appear and blood vessels to dilate. Thought of pasting a visual here but I don't want to take the risk of grossing out the "many" visitors to our blog. But no biggie right? You guys can google whaaattt...

5. Treatment: calamine and the like soothing lotions (e.g our traditional bedak sejuk) help to reduce the itchiness, (although mine was so bad at times, lumur setengah botol pun tak jalan), anti-histamine tablets, and in cases of severe flare-ups, oral steroids may also be prescribed for a short period of time. It's a well-known fact that regular intake of steroids have serious side effects, but to me, the most serious of all has to be the...much...dreaded....WEIGHT GAIN!! Arrgggghhhhhhhh...!

My gegata finally decided to take its leave after a month laying siege to my system. Alhamdulillah. And throughout that period, I was very popular among my peers. Although none of the LOTR had the distinct honour and privilege to see my biological tattoos with their own eyes, "I feel hives" which was my equivalent of saying "I feel goosebumps" retained its place at the no. 1 spot of LOTR's Wisecracks Chart for one whole month. Am not blowing my own trumpet, you only had to look at the way broken shopper laughed her head off whenever I came out with the statement. So alas, with the disappearance of my hives, I've returned to the backseat to watch broken shopper and sitiwankembang wrestle for first place at the chart. Those two are so good at wisecracks, they put the best comediennes to shame.

Phewwww....what a long entry. That should silence those beauties from complaining for awhile, haha... I shall not be obliged to contribute to this blog until and unless someone matches the length of this entry. Mmhaaaa... (with an English stiff upper lip). Just kidding. There's more to me yet. Ecehhhh...

Urticaria, I bid you adieu. Farewell wheals and merenyam-ness. It was interesting while you stayed but thank God you left. Please don't come back.

I am perempuan gatal no more. But one day, you just might be. Don't say I didn't warn you.

P/s: What happened to my keyboard that got smeared with minyak gamat you might ask. Well, by the end of the day it was starting to sound like an ECG. So before it flatlined, I mercifully asked the office IT guy to put it to sleep. I'm using a new one now, a better replacement. (Alass...if only relationships were this simple...)